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A look into Social Behaviours

Social Perception — A Psychological & Spiritual View

Have you ever made a bad judgement call? or misread a person or a situation? if your answer is yes, then this article can be useful for you.

In Social psychology, the process of discerning people, and figuring them out, is called “ social perception”, it is a mental tool people use to form impressions about each other, and make conclusions about these impressions.

Forming impressions on people, is a process we practice daily, consciously or unconsciously. Consider for example the barista who serves you your morning coffee, and the conclusions you draw from your impression on him, even thou you barely know him.

Impressions help us in taking decisions and making judgment calls about people and situations in our lives, however, these judgments can be biased, stereotyped, or even made based on a memory, which make them delusional and not really accurate.

How do we form impressions?

Our first impression about others is a result of a selection of variables. A lots of factors can influence the process of impressions formation such as, the person’s behavior and traits, their physical appearance, the social context, traits, and past experiences.

Social Identity Theory

In 1979, psychologist Henri Tajfel initiated one of the best contribution to psychology, which is the social identity theory.

Social identity is a person’s sense of who they are within their group membership (s). the groups we belong to, are a source of pride and self-esteem and a sense of belonging (Henri Tajfel , 1979)

Social Identity Theory suggests that we divide the world into “them” and “us” (i.e. we put people into social groups), and we use three mental processes to do that.

Social Categorisation

The first mental shortcut we use in forming perceptions. In this process, we mentally categorise people into different groups based on common characteristics. This can occur consciously, but for the most part, social categorisations happen automatically and unconsciously. Some of the most common social categories are age, gender, occupation, , religion and race…etc.

Social Identification

In the second stage, social identification, we adopt the identity of the group we have categorized ourselves as belonging to.

If for example you have categorised yourself as a student, the chances are you will adopt the identity of a student and begin to act in the ways you believe students act (and conform to the norms of the group).

There will be an emotional significance to your identification with a group, and your self-esteem will become bound up with group membership.

Social Comparison

The final stage is social comparison. Once we have categorised ourselves as part of a group and have identified with that group we then tend to compare that group with other groups. If our self-esteem is to be maintained our group needs to compare favourably with other groups.

This is critical to understanding prejudice, because once two groups identify themselves as rivals, they are forced to compete in order for the members to maintain their self-esteem.

Competition and hostility between groups is thus not only a matter of competing for resources like jobs but also the result of competing identities.

Discernment & Judgement in Spirituality

The spiritual perspective always directs us towards a higher understanding, it does promote learning , healing and soul growth. One of the main laws in spirituality is that there is no separation, or “ THE OTHER PERSON IS YOU”. So each time, you judge or form an impression about the other, you are just projecting your own wounds and insecurities on them, otherwise, you will have no motivation to judge, categorise or label anyone.

If you are spiritually inclined, you would be familiar with the word “Inner- authority, which is the ability to judge, people and situations. Having a good judgement is different than being judgmental, it is the foundation of discernment to have the ability to observe and evaluate a situation, while being judgmental is taking the superiority platform, to criticise the other or put him down.

This discernment is a choice to either plug to the high energy and truth of the creator of “all that is”, or plug to the lower vibrations of the lower density of the “Matrix”, and get enslaved by the illusion of separation.

A very powerful meditation to develop inner authority, good discernment, is visualising a royal chair location in the area between your eyebrows (third eye), and picture yourself sitting confidently on this chair, and looking at situations from there, from a higher perspective.

Discernment can be cultivated by taking responsibility of your own life, and stop blaming your misery on people or situations , instead learn to observe your patterns, understand your emotions, they will point you towards the only reason behind your projections and illusional judgment which is nothing other than your own wounds and insecurities.

Posted on by ikram0408@gmail.com

EMOTIONAL ABUSE

photo by Engin Aykurt – Unsplash

If you are a survivor of a trauma, or had a manipulative parent(s) or care taker(s), this subject is for you. If you are part of our traumatised world, this subject is definitely worth looking at.

Emotional Manipulation

Manipulation (n) is a  behavior designed to exploit, control, or otherwise influence others to one’s advantage. 

Emotional manipulation occurs when a manipulative person seeks power over someone else and employs dishonest or exploitive strategies to gain it. Unlike people in healthy relationships, which demonstrate reciprocity and cooperation, an emotional manipulator likes to use, control, to have the upper hand, have power, and feels safe, this toxicity leads to what we call Emotional Abuse.

Emotional Abuse

Few days ago, an argument with a friend took me back to my childhood memories , the conversation took a turn I did not expect, while I was expressing my frustration, my friend reacted saying ” Maybe one day we can be better friends, until then take care”. I felt disheartened, as these words took me to all the places in my life, I felt abandoned and misuderstood.

Even after clearing the air with my friend! I could not let go of the spoken words, and I started questioning myself, my apology, was it genuine? or out of fear of loss? do I want to have a friend who manipulates me like this? is this connection real? Obviously, this was said in an angry reaction, which my friend did not mean? but I cannot seem to calm my internal conflict, I even thought of putting an end to this friendship, waves of doubts, the foundation of trust I had for this friend was crashing down. then I decided to write about it.

let’s discover Emotional Abuse together?

Emotional abuse is one of the hardest forms of abuse to recognize. It can be subtle and insidious or overt and manipulative. Either way, it chips away at the victim’s self-esteem and they begin to doubt their perceptions and reality.

The underlying goal of emotional abuse is to control a person by discrediting, isolating, and silencing.

In the end, the manipulated person feels trapped. They are often too wounded to endure the relationship any longer, but also too afraid to leave. So the cycle just repeats itself until something is done.

The definition is very clear, and it made me realize why I was seeing red flags in my situation, I come from a childhood, where I was manipulated emotionally, I was raised in an environment where I felt my needs were insignificant and not important, I could not express how I felt out of fear, fear of punishment, of being abandoned. Hence I was completely silenced.

“We’re all manipulators,” said Melissa stringer a Texas therapist who works with many clients to handle a wide range of individual and interpersonal concerns. “Socially acceptable manipulation, such as smiling and making eye contact, are considered healthy ways to increase the chances of human connection. But when manipulation is used to avoid vulnerability and establish power over others, it becomes unhealthy.”

People who are deliberately manipulative often do so in an attempt to avoid healthier strategies, such as direct communication of their needs or mutual intimacy and Vulnerability

TWELVE COMMON MANIPULATION TACTICS

People can manipulate others using hundreds of tactics. Some of the most common include:

  1. Using the intense emotional connection to control another person’s behavior. For example, an abusive person may try to manipulate a person by moving very quickly in a romantic relationship. They may overwhelm their victim with loving gestures to lower their guard or make them feel indebted.
  2. Playing on a person’s insecurities. This is a popular tactic among advertisers, such as when a cosmetic company makes a person feel unattractive or “old.” It also works well in interpersonal relationships. For instance, someone may make their romantic partner think no one else could ever possibly love them.
  3. Lying and denial. Manipulators may bombard their victims with lies. When they’re caught, they may deny the lie or cover it up with another falsehood.
  4. Hyperbole and generalization. It’s difficult to respond to an allegation of “never” being loving or “never” working hard. Specific details can be debated, while vague accusations are often harder to dispute.
  5. Changing the subject. In an argument about one person’s behavior, the individual may deflect attention from themselves by attacking their critic. The deflection often takes the form of, “Well what about [X]?” For example, when one spouse expresses concern about their partner’s drug use, the partner may attack their spouse’s parenting skills.
  6. Moving the goalposts. This happens when a manipulative person constantly shifts the criteria one must meet in order to satisfy them. For example, a bully may use their coworker’s clothes as an excuse to harass them. If the individual changes outfits, the bully may claim the person won’t “deserve” professional respect until they change their hairstyle, their accent, or another miscellaneous trait.
  7. Using fear to control another person. For instance, a person may use threats of violence or physically intimidating body language.
  8. Using social inequities to control another person. For example, a neurotypical person might attempt to use a cognitive disability to demean another person or dismiss their experiences.
  9. Passive-aggression. This is a broad category of behavior that includes many strategies such as guilt-tripping, giving backhanded compliments, and more. Passive- aggression is a way of voicing displeasure or anger without directly expressing the emotion.
  10. Giving a person the silent treatment. It’s fine to ask for time to reflect on an argument or to tell someone who deeply hurt you that you no longer wish to speak to them. But ignoring a person to punish them or make them fearful is a manipulative tactic.
  11. Gaslighting involves causing the manipulation victim to doubt their own understanding of reality. For example, an abusive person might deny that the abuse happened, telling the victim there’s something wrong with their memory.
  12. Recruiting others to help with manipulation. For example, an abusive parent might ask family members to remind a child how much the parent has sacrificed for the child. The social pressure may convince the child to stop complaining about abusive behavior.

A manipulative person may combine these tactics or alternate between them depending on the context.

WHY DO PEOPLE MANIPULATE OTHERS?

Not all manipulation has malicious intent, even when it causes immense harm. Some common reasons people engage in manipulation include:

  • Poor communication skills. Some people may be uncomfortable with direct communication. Others may have grown up in houses where manipulation was the norm.
  • A desire to avoid connection. Some people treat others as means to an end and use manipulation to control them. This is sometimes a symptom of a personality disorder such as a narcissistic personality.
  • Fear. People may engage in manipulation out of fear, especially fear of abandonment. This often happens during breakups or relationship fights.
  • Defensiveness. Manipulation can be a way of avoiding blame. While some people avoid blame as a way to control or abuse another person, others do so because they fear judgment, have low self-esteem or struggle to face their own shortcomings.
  • Social norms. Some forms of manipulation are normal, and perhaps even beneficial. For example, most people learn that it is important to be friendly and cheerful around work colleagues in order to professionally advance.
  • Marketing, advertising, and other financial or political incentives. Entire industries are dedicated to manipulating people’s emotions to change their minds, convince them to buy products, or urge them to vote a certain way.

“In many cases, manipulative individuals were not taught effective communication skills. Or worse, they were punished by an influential figure for expressing needs or wants. As a result, the original means for connecting get overridden and replaced by strategies centered around avoiding any sense of fault. This is adequately achieved in two primary ways: indirect communication and a refusal to be accountable for actions,” Stringer emphasizes.

PROTECTING YOURSELF FROM EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION

If you have fallen for manipulative tactics in the past, know that you are not at fault. Nearly everyone is manipulated at some point. There’s no way to prevent all manipulation.

However, a number of strategies can reduce the impact of emotional manipulation and help you set clear boundaries. These include:

  • Communicating in direct, clear, and specific ways: clear and direct communication models the behavior you hope for in your relationships and can make it easier to identify manipulation.
  • Understanding when manipulation is normal and when it’s not. Most people occasionally make passive-aggressive or manipulative comments. Manipulation is more problematic, and may even be abusive when it is part of a systemic attempt to control or harm another person.
  • Setting clear boundaries around manipulation. When a person attempts to manipulate you, tell them how you want them to treat you and then follow your own guideline. For example, “Mom, I understand that you sacrificed a lot for me, but that doesn’t mean you get to belittle me. I can’t talk to you about this until you’re willing to stop changing the subject.”
  • Asking for insight from trusted third parties. This can be risky since manipulative people sometimes recruit outsiders. But if you have a spouse, friend, or family member whom you can trust to be objective, they may offer helpful insights.

Victims of chronic manipulation and emotional abuse may find relief in therapy. A therapist can work with you to identify manipulation, break free from an abusive relationship, and reduce the risk of being trapped in a relationship such again. In therapy, you’ll develop healthy boundaries and work through any reluctance you have to enforce those boundaries.

Last but not least, while our family, friends, and partners might have good intentions, but their behavior might be toxic due to the poor communication tools they were exposed to. This article enlightened me on the different ways I myself can be manipulative towards others.

I can’t help but call for awareness in our communication with people, nowadays, we tend to hurt, dismiss, and under-estimate people’s emotions, without any consideration of these people’s wounds, and emotional and mental health.

Be the light!

Posted on by ikram0408@gmail.com

Longing for “Thee”

Experiencing Melancholy

After almost three months spent away from my home town, recovering, and soul searching, I felt an urge to come back, to be with my family again, and to catch up with my friends, everything was normal, after 4 days only, I started experiencing melancholy, a feeling of emptiness, a void in my heart with an under tone of sadness & grief, that I had since childhood, something I was never able to articulate properly, as a child I felt misunderstood, because I could not convey this emotion to those around me.

The emotion seems like my soul grappling with a pervasive emptiness that lurks in its dark and unexplored corners. It was a paradoxical yearning for some inexplicable “more,” a continuous yearning for fulfilment, while being purely satisfied with the moment. it reaches its peak, when I am involved emotionally with a partner, when I am grieving after breakups…etc, and I used to interpret it as an emotional attachment.

When this relished sombreness kicks in, my heart becomes extremly heavy, that it can’t be contained in my chest anymore, the intensity of grief, send me into the depth of the most turbulent ocean, the pain is so powerful, that even a mountain would break from its burden. So this time, I was blessed to sit in this emotion gracefully and question it, to dive deep in it, allow it to show itself. I burnt and burnt and burnt…

What do we long for ?

Listen to the story of the reed
As it laments the pain of separation:
Since they have cut me from my reed bed
My wails bring tears to both woman and man
Those ripped away from their beloved
know my song
Having been cut from the source,
they long to return

 Rumi

In the Sufi tradition, longing (shawq in arabic) is a state experienced along the mystic path . The mystic path is the inner journey in search of God. In Sufism, the mystical journey starts with the awakening in the seeker’s heart (qalb in arabic) of a perturbing need to find the divine as a living reality and to attain His nearness at all cost. In the light of this awakening, the seeker senses God as beloved (habib In arabic), and as the sole object and purpose of his/her existence. Love for this remote, glorious, and supreme Being draws the seeker farther on his/her arduous journey. Love is the energy that fuels the mystical journey, and without love the seeker cannot sustain the demands and hardships of his journey.

God the Beloved appears at times close and intimate—as indicated by the Qur’anic verse, “We are nearer to him than his jugular vein” . This state on the Sufi path is named proximity (qurb) and intimacy (uns in arabic, which is similar to “un” in French which means one). Often, however, God is felt as inaccessible and absent. Sufi vocabulary calls the polar state of proximity-remoteness (bu’d) – the separation. There are Sufis who by temperament and disposition are prone to the rapturous feelings that arise from states of nearness. But to many the love of God often seems unrequited. In the search of Him whom the heart desires, a lover wander in pain and desolation “in the wilderness of loneliness,”

The Love Affair

Rumi & Shams

Rumi, a thirteenth century Sufi teacher, and one of the world’s greatest poets of mystical love, knew of these mysteries of the heart. His verses tell the stories of the soul’s love affair with God, whom the Sufis call the Beloved, the love affair that leads from the pain and anguish of longing until we are reunited with our divine nature. This is the great mystical journey that draws us from ourself back to our Beloved.

Rumi was a learned scholar until one day in the marketplace of Konya he met a wandering dervish, Shams-i Tabriz, and fell at his feet after the ragged dervish recited these verses,

If knowledge does not liberate the self from the self Then ignornace is better than such knowledge.

ShAMs

Shams was the spark that ignited the fire of divine longing within Rumi, awakening the passion of the soul, such that Rumi said of his life “I burnt, and burnt and burnt.” His time with Shams transformed him, and the love that was awakened still speaks to us now, so many centuries later:

The tender words we said to one another Are stored in the secret heart of heaven: One day like rain they will fall and spread, And our mystery will grow green over the world 

rumi

Through this painful intimacy of love our heart is changed. No longer caught in ourself we are open to the Beloved. Ruined in the tavern of love we can taste the intoxicating wine of His presence. This is when the bliss begins. At the beginning it may come as a gentle lover’s foreplay, like butterfly wings at the edge of the heart, but in this gentle touch the whole of oneself is saturated with love, a love that runs through the body and soul, in which nothing is excluded. Then one is really reborn, reborn in love, in the deep knowing of one’s true nature and the love that is present in oneself and in everything.

Later the states of bliss deepen and intensify, become almost painful and one wonders how the body can bear it, and yet it continues, sometimes for hours. Sweetness, intoxication, drunkenness.

When one returns from the blinding light, when one’s mind is given back and a sense of self returns, then and only then can there be an inquiry into the nature of this bliss. It belongs to the nature of the soul. In Sanskrit it is known as anandamaya kosha, the sheath of the soul. For most people the only experience they have of this bliss is in the brief moment of sexual orgasm, which in reality is not a physical experience but a momentary immersion in the bliss of the soul. It is given to humanity for the sake of procreation. But for the mystic the real love affair is never a physical encounter, even though they may use the metaphors of sexual love to describe it.

If physical union is sweet, the real union of the soul, of lover and Beloved, is far sweeter:

“The clothes of the body were sweet silk,
but this nakedness is sweeter.”

It is easy to speak of divine love, to read poems about its ecstatic nature, to dream of being taken in rapture by a divine lover. But to live this passion is different. It is heartbreak and devastation, despair and burning. One thinks of Rumi and his relationship with Shams, who for Rumi embodied the divine light. Rumi’s disciples became so jealous of their close and intoxicating relationship that Shams had to leave Konya and go to Damascus; then Rumi became so desperate that finally his son Sultan Walad went and begged Shams to return. Shams returned, but then one night Shams went out never to return, murdered it is said. It is even suggested that another of Rumi’s sons was among the murderers. Rumi did not know he had died and twice went to Damascus to find him. He could not be consoled and was thrown into the despair known only to lovers:

“You are the sugar and you are the poison, do not torture me furthermore.”

Only when Rumi had traversed this spiritual darkness of complete despair and abandonment did the light of Shams once again reappear, this time within his own heart and he knew there could never again be any separation. It was from this inner union that the poems started to pour from Rumi: the story of the heart’s mystery that is experienced by every lover, the love affair that draws us to union.

This Sufi myth echoes the notion, prevalent in many ancient systems—as in Platonism, Gnosticism, and Neoplatonism—of the soul’s exile from its heavenly abode and its descent into this lower world. Consequently, it echoes also the desire of a few awakened souls to take the upward journey back and to ascend, via states and stages, to the primordial home in the vicinity of God. This has been expressed in many stories or myths like Layla and Maajnoon.

To summarise, it is apparent that we are all longing for a divine union, and it is expressed through the cry of the heart to experience oneness, what does it mean, feel and taste to be one with God. As social beings, we have a constant desire to have a partner, a lover, a companion, to experience true love, the kind of love that ignites the passion of the soul, it stripes you from your armours, and makes you surrender and give yourself to the beloved, it bypasses the mind, terrifies the ego, even the body feels intimidated from it. A love that keeps you awake all night, and make you wish you never experience it, it burns you alive…until you loose yourself, let go of the self, and you renounce your ego.

The experience of true love, can be manifested in a strong soul connection, romantic or not, human or not, soul mates can be friends, companions, lovers, Mother/child, father/child, plants or animals. while some can have their soul spark ignited by soul mates, others can get activated while visiting a place or a site. Once ignited, your life will never be the same again, your heart gets broken again and again in longing, until it opens up to unconditional love, until it perceives nothing but love, until there is a knowingness that separation is an illusion, and that we are always in union, in oneness, oneness with love, oneness with the beloved and oneness with god, this union is eternal, and it is immersed in an infinite love, A love like no other, A love that is beyond time and space.

Be The Light!

Posted on by ikram0408@gmail.com

THE POWER OF SURRENDER

If you grew up like me, with a disciplined and strict up-bringing, challenged to be self-sufficient from a very young age, to plan for everything in your life, with very little left to fate, this is definitely a very relevant topic for you.

So with such background, I figured out in my childhood, that in order to make it in a competitive and challenging world, I had to develop a central ego, to make sure that I am protected, resulting in a lonely wolf, a warrior, type of personality, the notion of asking for help rarely occurred to me. Of course this doesn’t come without a price, the pressure I put on myself was overbearing, and it led to intense level of anxiety. The irony is until very recently, I had a strong believe that this is who I am, this is my identity, until the illusion was unveiled, and I realised that this was a defence mechanism I have that worked for me, and it kept me safe throughout my challenging days, and my subconscious was holding on to it desperately, that I was in total denial of its shadow element.

In a nutshell, the most frightening situation for me, was anything that involves uncertainty, not knowing what the future holds for me, with such mindset, the most difficult thing to do is to loosen your grip, to let go of the need to control every situation, to SURRENDER!

What is the meaning of Surrender ?

There is a Sufi tale of a man on a quest who finds himself trapped in a huge public bath. The man is alone and knows that if he does not escape he will die. A parrot suddenly appears and tells him that if he can shoot it with his bow and arrow, he will be free. The man has three arrows and quickly fires the first. The parrot flutters into the air, and the man misses. The man turns to stone from the feet to the waist. He fires a second arrow, misses, and turns to stone up to the shoulders. He has one arrow left. What should he do? If he misses a third time he is dead.

This riddle beautifully illustrates the challenge of those times when our conventional ego strategies fall apart and will actually lead to our demise if we go on. The story ends when the man closes his eyes, says, “God is great,” and fires the arrow. This time he hits the parrot and is freed. When faced with no other options, he has to give up to something greater than himself to find a different source of resolution.

What do we surrender?

We surrender the “I”, “the Ego”, the conditioned separate self which operates from a set of beliefs, thoughts…etc together with all attachments to the attachments to the established identity, to our surroundings… in another words, we surrender our need to be individuals.

To understand the psychological meaning of this, it is worth mentioning Carl Jung’ theory on individuation. Jung used the term individuation “to denote a process of becoming a psychological ‘individual,’ that is, a separate, indivisible unity .” To individuate is to gradually actualize our innate capacity to live as a unique individual.

Jung recognized that there would be times on this journey when we are challenged to surrender the central dominance of ego to the deeper significance of what he called the “Self.” For Jung, “Self ” refers to the center of our totality—a deeper seat of wisdom that holds a sense of our innate potential as we unfold in our lives. He was not implying that the Self had some kind of ultimate existence, but that it is nevertheless experienced as a center of wholeness, just as the ego is experienced as a center of consciousness. The Self individuates us—that is to say, its “intention” is that we evolve in such a way that the relationship between the ego and the Self matures. At certain times on our journey, the ego begins to realize that it is not the prime mover, that there are forces at work that have far greater influence. The Self asserts a kind of psychological pressure on us to change and become whole, a pressure that can be extremely disquieting as the ego loses its safe, familiar ground. A major aspect of this undercurrent of change is the need to shift our understanding of what is really at the center of our lives. The shift of emphasis from the ego to the Self has been described as the shift from “I will” to “Thy will be done.”

To whom we surrender?

Surrendering can not be achieved if we do not have faith and trust in a bigger powers, it requires listening to the voice of truth and wisdom residing in our heart, instead of the voice of fear and doubt caused by our Ego, it is basically letting go to some deeper sense of purpose.

Surrender and Spiritual Awakening

Photo by Rodolfo Clix on Pexels.com

The process of surrender begins with fear, our ego feels threatened by the truth, so the anxiety kicks in, as a defence mechanism to stop us from listening to our intuition, to our instincts, to the voice of our own truth, creating a paralysing fear of the unknown, which can vary from the fear of the future, fear of death, fear of taking a certain decision or following a certain path.

The key to surrender is letting go of control and resistance to what is, and instead accepting and working with the energy of the universe instead of working against it. However, surrendering does not mean sitting back and waiting, but having an active role in your life, but once you put on the work, planted the seeds, and made clear intentions, you can relax, trust and wait for your harvest.\

To wrap up this, I have learnt to differentiate between the energy of surrender and the energy of resistance, when I am in flow, peaceful, breathing easily, my awareness level is pretty high, and I am able to see the bigger picture, I know for a fact that I am in surrender mode. however, I can detect the resistance or forcing mode, when I tend to narrow my mind and go into the nitty gritty details, trying to control the How, when and who? , when the fear and resistance take over, I immediately become anxious, doubtful of self and others, with a very clouded vision, with time I have learnt to bring myself back to the present moment, by grounding, meditation, spending time in nature… I still do that mechanically, practising surrender, like they say fake it until you make it!!

LET GO AND LET GOD IN!!

Be the light!

Posted on by ikram0408@gmail.com

THE AQUARIAN AGE

Photo by Miriam Espacio on Pexels.com

There is no doubt that humanity have experienced challenging times in 2020. We all have felt restricted with the Covid19 outbreak, and the lockdown of mostly all countries, limiting us from moving around, socialising, in another words, we were pushed to face ourselves and dive deep into all the untapped territories within our psyche. we have been challenged out of our stagnated energy, and of the ego imprisonment.

What is the Age Of Aquarius?

An astrological “Age” shifts about every 2,150 years, the planet Earth moves into a new zodiac sign as part of her rotation, this move happens around the spring equinox. The astrological “age” occurs every 2150 years. This time, we are coming out of the Age of Pisces and transiting into what’s the called “the Dawn of the Aquarian Age”

[In the Age of Aquarius,] the power is turning over to the individual, and giving the freedom for you to choose your own reality based on what aligns with your soul.”

Adama Sesay, astrologer

What does this Shift means for Humanity?

The Piscean Age has been dominated by hierarchy, and power. The key phrase for this age was from Shakespeare’s Hamlet, “To be or not to be.” To make a successful and happy life, you needed to resolve this question. The key to the astrological sign Pisces is “I believe.” During this age, in order for you “to be,” you needed to find someone or something to believe in.

The Aquarian Age will be dominated by networks, and information. The key phrase for this age is “Be to be.” The key to the astrological sign Aquarius is “I know.” This is the age of information. Nothing is secret anymore. All information is available at your fingertips. Where the Piscean age was organized in a vertical, up and down structure of hierarchies, the Aquarian Age is organized in a horizontal network, opening the world up to true equality.

During this age, the focus is no longer on your identity and existence (“to be or not to be”), but on accepting yourself as a whole person (“be to be”) who does not need to believe in something outside of yourself. You are ready to accept that you have the knowledge and wisdom within yourself. It is no longer necessary to attach to something outside yourself, but to become a leader of one: yourself. Instead of being a railroad car that is pulled by an engine, you become your own engine. It is your responsibility to stay on the tracks and to keep moving forward.

The age of Aquarius is the age of human power, it has been predicted that this age will be known by the sovereignty of individuals. People’s knowledge and wisdom will be cultivated based on their own experiences, not dictated or influenced by systems, governments, religion, teachers or Gurus, individuals are starting to take leads and active roles in their life, and their curiosity and keenness to know the truth about their life and the world is awakened.

Since this age will be in Aquarius, it will be embodying the characteristics of the water bearer air sign of Aquarius, known for their independence, non conformity, in thinking and acting, love for freedom, their great vision, and innovative abilities in all aspects. Aquarians are also the most humanitarian signs of the zodiac.

Given all of the above, there is a very promising shift happening the new age is bringing more inspiring and upbeat creative energy to our world, however, this shift will be bringing the best and the worst out of mankind, some people will welcome it by surrendering and accepting changes, opening their hearts and being open to receive themselves and others. Other people will be resisting, because they don’t understand it, and they will be willing to go back to what it was, to the life they know of.

Transformation is a painful process, however, understanding this transition, and enduring the pain and the release we are encountering on a personal and collective levels, will make it smoother, easier and less painful, also trusting that we are heading towards a great growth and expansion potentials, planting seeds for a more loving, heart based and free world.

Be The Light!

Posted on by ikram0408@gmail.com

THE WARRIOR IN YOU

When I think of courage, the first thing that came to mind is the image of the hero or the prince charming in Disney movies saving his beloved, from the monster or the dark witch, acting life a fool in front of all the challenges and obstacles thrown his way.

Although this might sound like a fantasy, it has lots of truth , the monster is a depiction of fear, while the hero, is the courageous self once liberated from his paralysing fear and the princess can be a desired goal or outcome.

learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.

Nelson Mandela

Courage for me, represents the ability to step outside my comfort zone, and confront my fear, the fear of the unknown, of loosing security & stability, the fear of judgment for being different, or for not abiding and conforming to the norm.

It can be applicable to any situation in life, to a Job, a decision, a relationship …etc. Once one is crippled in fear, he let go of his powers, of the leadership of his life, and takes the passenger seat. Instead of setting goals and taking actions, he embodies the passive role and wait for people, organisations, destiny to consider him in their plans.

This realisation although obvious and logical, yet it took me by surprise when I was reflecting on some challenges I was facing at work in the past two weeks, and it shed light on how I was letting go of my role as active catalyst in life and instead of taking the leadership I chose to take the back seat because of the uncertainty of what might happen next.

So what does it take to be brave, to conquer the fear barrier, and own your life? it does take Courage, Faith, Trust in your abilities and in the divine support.

I guess to make things easier on you and me, we should ask ourselves, which one is stronger? the fear of taking the leap of faith? or the fear of what could happen if we do?. what would happen if we fail?, and what living with the feeling of a missed opportunity: to freedom, to a better job, to a better life, to a lifetime of happiness and success?

Life is meant to be lived, and we, as spiritual beings having this human experience, are meant, to explore the unlimited possibilities available to us, to take risks, to fail, pick ourselves up, learn and move on to the next adventure, to succeed, rejoice and celebrate. We are not supposed to have a stagnant life lacking purpose and drive, a dull life with no passion to keep us bright and joyful.

We were unfortunately conditioned to be perfect, and were given a boring road map to how a successful life should look like, but as we are entering the Aquarian age , the age of expansion of the collective consciousness, of awakening and of truth, it is our duty to start leading by example, to show our next generation a new way of being, away from the old paradigms & limiting beliefs that was bestowed upon us, Instead, we should guide them to embrace the magic of life and to look at it with an eye full of wonder and curiosity, just like the child that we were once.

Be the light!

Posted on by ikram0408@gmail.com

The Dark Night of The Soul

Who Are we when we are navigating through darkness?

Many of you have certainly heard about the dark night of the soul, or the period when are forced to go inward and acknowledge our feelings, process our traumas, and make peace with it, forgive ourselves and move on.

I have been going through a pretty extended and intense dark night of the soul, which I am pretty used to by now, given the fact that I have been on this journey of self – discovery & healing for few years now, but this time, it was different. I had been pushed to clear, purify and cleanse my heart after a powerful heart activation, which triggers the rise of my deeply suppressed emotions, so I had to dive thru very rough waters in total darkness, blindfolded, and unable to see what’s in front of me…

THE FEAR OF THE UNKOWN

The Foggy or clouded sight refers to not being able to perceive or see what’s coming towards me, which is so crippling for someone who has navigated her life using her strong intuition, someone who is very much in tune with sensing her environment, sensing and detecting people’s intentions.. I felt like a warrior who was sent to a battle field with no protection, no swords,…It is the most frustrating, frightening and vulnerable space I had ever been…

In fact after a couple of difficult months, I was finally able to grasp the wisdom laying behind this experience, I am finally able to see the opportunity I was given to understand my patterns, and receive the messages my higher self was trying to convey to me.

Throughout my life journey, I have been faced with so many setbacks, betrayals, dishonesty …etc, having to go thru a betrayal after another, a heart break after another, I lost trust in everyone, I was not able to forgive myself for being so naive and trusting towards everyone. As a coping mechanism I rose up my walls, and made an intention not to let anyone in my heart space, people can exist in my surroundings, because I am able to sense their energy, but nobody is allowed further because of the history of betrayals and dishonesty, and all the pain I vowed to myself not to go through again.

The main blind spot in my vision was my inability to get this : ” you don’t have to do this alone” because “you are protected and looked after”, those were the messages I kept on hearing in my prayers and meditation, in another words, believe and have “Faith”, faith in God, in my journey, “Trust” that everything is perfect the way it is, and “surrender” to the divine plan, and timing.

In the midst of my fear and mistrust, I dismissed the divine existence , I doubted his ability to protect me, and questioned his plan. This urged me to have full control of my life, an urge to know what’s next, where AM I heading?, so any environment which has an unknown aspect of it, was considered not safe, hence, my choice of distancing myself from people, and ceasing of having any relationships, given that was a foreign territory that I am not familiar with.

This revelation allowed me to find many answers to many of my inexplicable behaviours, and provide me with a road map to my patterns, and a compass to use while journeying in the depth of my fears.

ITS ALL ABOUT FAITH!

“Faith” is the answer, the knowingness that we carry in our heart that there is a bigger presence, directing our lives, and that everything we experience in this physical realm is divinely guided, to allow our souls to grow, evolve and live in total happiness and Joy, the blissful life we are meant to have.

Once we start trusting, we are able to shift the narrative of our life, and it is easy for us to be in a space of “Love over Fear”, tune in to compassion, and activate our ability to forgive ourself and everyone involved in the old narrative of our story. We will look at people, situations and relationships differently, because our heart is open to offer empathy, to ourselves and to humanity, having a deep knowing that everything happens for us and for the higher good of all involved parties.

Be the Light!

Posted on by ikram0408@gmail.com · 2 Comments

AUTHENTICITY

Are you living as your true genuine self? or do you have a mask on?

WHO AM I ?

Is a vital question which each one of us should be asking, we should be checking our inner truth, and observing if we are acting with integrity, if we really walk the talk. The sad reality, is that most of the time, our actions are influenced by our social conditioning, and beliefs,

To have a better understanding on the real meaning of authenticity, try to watch children play and hear their genuine laughter, it is one of the greatest beauties you can witness in life.

We were all born as children filled with life, a sense of wonder, and the desires to explore or create and live in the moment.  Children have no past baggage or future anxieties so they express what they feel and aren’t afraid to love unconditionally.

At the age of 3, Children start to become more tamed, we start loosing that sense of wander. This process of losing your authenticity and replacing it with thoughts in the form of fears, shameful memories, rules, social values, and beliefs is known as domestication.

Our domestication can turn into a disease if our parents do not have the awareness and wisdom of what they are passing on.  Just like pets, we are domesticated with an emotional reward or punishment system.  If our behavior is desirable we are rewarded with attention and affection.  If our behaviour is not acceptable we are punished by the rejection of our parents.

As Children, we didn’t care about judgement, we did what made us happy without having to worry about what other people may think of us, hence our self-worth was rooted in our authenticity.

However, as adults, our thoughts and behaviour are fear driven, fear of rejection, of judgement…etc, so we unconsciously gave our powers, and put our self-worth in the hands of other people. This new type self-worth forces us to change, to create a false image of ourselves, then slowly, we start realising that people have different expectations from us, teachers, parents, friends , lovers…etc, until we realise that we have lost ourselves in the middle of trying to fit in, to please, and to be accepted. TO BELONG

The False image brings insecurities and anxiety, the insecurities hit you because you expect to externally live up to an image you envision for yourself, but deep down you know the internal image of yourself is different.  The greater the discrepancy between these two images, the more insecure you will feel. this false image is called EGO, it manifest as the need to always be right, in order to protect the illusion you have created, and you spend your life trying to prove people wrong by trying to become successful, rich, famous…etc but this pursuit of physical thing will never give you the satisfaction you seek, there is a void in you that will keep creating suffering and unhappiness until you decide to unveil your true colours and be unapologetically yourself.

WAKE UP TO SEE THE REAL YOU

Authenticity will teach you to see the world as it is, not as you believe it to be.  You are the manifestation of the Divine within this physical body, As you become more authentic you’ll begin to understand this; not with logic and your social personality, but by feeling it at in your core, your very essence. Honour your soul! Honour your TRUTH!

BE THE LIGHT!

Posted on by ikram0408@gmail.com

Re-thinking Rejection

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A Curse or Blessing!!

When was the last time you experienced rejection? Was it a parent who was never present enough for you? was it a guy or relationship you thought was worth investing in, and you were proved wrong? was it a boss who overlooked you for a promotion? or someone who thought you were never good enough, no matter what you did?

Rejection may seem like a curse, an enemy, it is disheartening, it makes you feel you are not good enough, and pushes you to question your self-worth and value, but in fact, if you take sometime to think about it consciously, away from the EGO games, because if you think about it, its the Ego who gets rejected and no one else. So once you calm your emotions, you will realised that Rejection is your best friend, you can use is as a catalyst for success and a proof of your high value. instead of internalising it and making it about you, change your perception and look start looking at it as a development tool, a massive catalyst for your success, instead of a humiliating force.

Rejection as a Projection

Before getting discouraged or start doubting yourself, think that rejection can be a projection of the other person’s own insecurities, and has nothing to do with you. In life we encounter different kind of people, some of them are using projection as a defense mechanism, and defense mechanisms are used to cope with feelings and emotions that we have trouble expressing or coming to terms with,

We attract people into our lives who mirror BOTH extremities within us, so that we can have the opportunity be aware of our own dichotomy. The law of attraction responds to both extremes. We are a perfect match to them, even though they seem to be the opposite of us, because that denied self is still part of us and is still therefore, subject to the law of attraction. But these people tend to be our opposing mirror. They reflect the attribute we suppressed and we reflect the aspect that they suppressed. current concept of projection suggests that someone who is projecting, is projecting their own denied self onto someone who doesn’t have those traits at all. But projection is a two way street. Often what we project onto someone IS actually a trait that they possess as well and we only recognize it because it causes a flare up of the wound of that rejected aspect within ourselves. Also, to have someone project upon us, we have to be a vibrational match to that experience, meaning that the experience of being projected upon is also reflecting something that is being denied within ourselves. So instead of falling into negative thinking, own the situation and transform it into a success a story:

I will share with you a tool I am using when I am experiencing a strong emotion or an uncomfortable situation in my life.

first calm your mind and go inward, then ask yourself the 3 below Questions :

  1. What is this?
  2. why I am experiencing it?
  3. How Can I change it?

  1. What is this ?

This question will help you identify the emotion triggered in you when you experienced rejection, what are you feeling, where is it located in your body, and what physical sensations comes with it.

2. Why I am Experiencing this?

When you ask why, you are now exploring your subconscious mind, you are basically looking for your “STORY” here, everyone of us has a repertoire of stories cultivated based on previous experiences, and we keep on feeding that story, and if we are not able to face it, we dive into the illusion of being a victim of our circumstances.

3. How Can I change it?

Now is the time to take charge of your life, to change the narrative of your story, to understand that the world is not there to get you, and that you are not a victim, but you are an active performer in this play, called LIFE.

So use this opportunity to explore new part of yourself, to call back fragmented parts of your soul that you keep rejecting, embrace them and know that you are WHOLE.

Rejection as a Protection

Sometimes, God or the Universe removes people, or situations from your life because they are not just for you, either you are supposed to be somewhere else, with someone else, or doing something completely different, which is in line with your life path and your destiny. Rather than believing that life is against you, open your heart and trust in what is unfolding for you, Surrender, don’t resist it. And I promise, you will go through a life changing experience and you will be grateful for the journey that leads you to where you are and who you are, you will feel blessed for the rejection which initially was a Protection for your heart and soul.

Be The Light!

Posted on by ikram0408@gmail.com

Addictions and Childhood Trauma

How parenting shaped who we are today?

This article was inspired by a “Youtube Video” shared by my best friend, the video was one of Dr. Gabor Mate lectures about addictions and childhood, Dr. Mate is a renowned speaker, and bestselling author, he is highly sought after for his expertise on a range of topics including addiction, stress and childhood development.

What Blew my mind was The Incredible synchronicity and the timing of this video, as I was fully submerged in my own internal process, and reading one of his books “ In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts” which is basically a close encounter with people with severe addictions as a consequence of a traumatised childhood.

The lecture had a double impact on me; I felt it was both comforting; I had a moment of clarity; I felt the divine heard my prayers, and graced me with answers, my life experiences are finally making sense, and I felt a huge responsibility, to share this and make a difference, it may be insignificant in the ego eye, but if one person benefit from it one day, that is ENOUGH for me, hence I couldn’t fight the urge to write about it.

What is Addiction?

A person with an addiction uses a substance, or engages in a behavior, for which the rewarding effects provide an interesting incentive to repeat the activity, despite detrimental consequences. Substance Addiction may involve the use of substances such as alcohol, inhalants, opioids, cocaine, and nicotine, or behaviors such as gambling, shopping, exercising, gaming, sex, Love, Tv, Internet…etc.

The Difference between Physical and behavioural Addiction?

Addiction can occur in many forms. Often, it is assumed that physical dependence characterized by withdrawal symptoms is required in order for someone to be diagnosed with an addiction disorder, but the fact is that behavioural addiction can occur with all the negative consequences in a person’s life minus the physical issues faced by people who compulsively engage in drug and alcohol abuse.

It is the compulsive nature of the behavior that indicates a behavioral addiction, or process addiction, in an individual. The compulsion to continually engage in an activity or behavior despite the negative impact on the person’s ability to remain mentally and/or physically healthy and functional in the home and community defines behavior addictions. The person may find the behavior rewarding psychologically or get a “high” while engaged in the activity but may later feel guilt, remorse, or even overwhelmed by the consequences of that continued choice.

Why Do we get addicted?

Behavioral addictions exist in a gray area in addiction. Technically, the only medically recognized behavioral addiction is gambling disorder. Formerly classified as an impulse control disorder, gambling disorder was reclassified in 2013 as an addictive disorder in the DSM-5 (the official reference guide for diagnosing mental illnesses).I saw this reclassification as significant because it was the first formal recognition that behavioral addictions exist.

What is alarming here is while addiction to physical substances is treated and also recognized and acknowledged by society? It does not give behavioral addiction that much importance, although they share the same importance and detrimental effect on the brain neurological flow, and to get the situation even worse, the addictive behavior is welcomed and approved in our modern society and is considered NORMAL.

Dr. Gabor Mate links all kinds of addictions to Childhood Traumas, the parenting we received, and the way we were treated, and how we felt in our home environment. So we grew up as dysfunctional insecure, unloved adults, wounded, disconnected from the “SELF”, so addictions a coping mechanism to find pleasure, comfort, to release stress…in other words, to be in AVOIDANCE to look at our wounds.

Most of us have been the fruit of unconscious parenting (no blaming to our parents, they did what they could with the limited emotional maturity and consciousness they had), we have been compared to other kids: siblings, cousins, neighbors…etc as an incentive to be better which affected our confidence, self-esteem, others of us felt guilty for growing in dysfunctional homes, where anger and verbal/physical abuse was the only communication they knew off, and they blamed it on themselves“ Its ME” “It’s because of ME”, and others experienced the emotional and/or physical absence of one or both parents… etc, hence the addictive tendencies of the whole society to obsessive consumption of social media, mobile phones, food, makeup …etc

The Connection to your SOUL

I can’t help but Quote Rumi on one of the closest quotes to my heart

“When the World pushes you to your knees, you are in the perfect position to PRAY”

We all have been through ups and downs in our lives, but it is always the cry of our soul that brings us back to the source, the source of who WE ARE.

Anxiety, Depression, Melangomy are ways our soul is crying for our attention, and calling us back to the path of LOVE and LIGHT, reminding us we are LOVED and BLESSED by the Divine and that all is well if we have the courage to embrace our emotions if we feel our feelings instead of avoiding them. The journey back to the soul is worth it, it is not an easy one, can be painful & lonely but avoidance also is full of shame, fear, and pain.

Be Brave and Never give up hope on yourself or your loved ones, be mindful in your communication with everyone, you don’t know what they have been through, be gentle and kind with yourself, with your fragile inner child, he/she has been already through a lot, give them love and compassion, nurture and hold space for them.

And last but not least, if you are planning on having kids, please be Mindful & Conscious, and make sure you are READY for such responsibility.

Be the Light!