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We Are All Addicts!
Understanding the Psychology and Spirituality of addictive behaviors
In language, addiction means the need or the strong desire to do or to have something, or a very strong liking for something (Cambridge Dictionary)!
In Order to define the concept of ” Addiction”, we will need to delve into the psychology of addiction which entails understanding the root of any type of addictive behaviour.
A person with an addiction uses a substance, or engages in a behaviour, for which the rewarding effects provide a compelling incentive to repeat the activity, despite detrimental consequences. Addiction may involve the use of substances such as Alchohol , inhalants, opioids, cocaine, and nicotine, or behaviors such as gambling, shopping.
There is evidence that addictive behaviors share key neurobiological features: They intensely involve brain pathways of reward and reinforcement, which involve the neurotransmitter dopamine. And, in keeping with other highly motivated states, they lead to the pruning of synapses in the prefrontal cortex, home of the brain’s highest functions, so that attention is highly focused on cues related to the target substance or activity. It is important to know that such brain changes are reversible after the substance use or behaviour is discontinued.
When individuals engage in an activity that is pleasurable but cannot stop doing it, even to the detriment of everyday living (such as work, hobbies, family time, finances, etc.), and health and wellbeing suffer as a result, this behaviour would be considered an addiction.
While we know that addiction is a disease that is primary, chronic, progressive and fatal, with a describable and predictable course and typical common, addiction affects all aspects of the person. When we think about the disease of addiction from the perspective of our spirituality, we can see that addiction is a disease that is born out of the human condition. There is deep hopelessness, meaninglessness and longing that the addict is trying to suppress with some substance or process, rather than finding healing through faith, and re-establishing the relationship with the higher self. The addict is seeking a greater depth of peace and fulfilment but only finds greater emptiness and pain. The separation from the divine and from healthy spirituality is intensified by an increasing pattern of actions that could be considered sinful for one reason only which is sabotaging one’s own life and purpose.
While ancient writers didn’t understand addiction in the same way we do, they certainly understood the nature of addiction. The Biblical writers saw the patterns of addiction and discussed it more as bondage, temptation and sin. Indeed, addiction is a disease that will drive/lead us into wrongful acts. However, if we look at it from a perspective of separation from the divine, then we come closer to understanding the spiritual dilemma of addiction. In the book of Genesis, we see that humans are caught up in an addictive process from the beginning. The “original” temptation in the Garden of Eden posed as the following:
- Good for food – it addressed a need
- Pleasing to the eye – it was attractive in some way
- Bestowed wisdom – a promise of something beyond ourselves, something we think would make us complete
Addiction sets up a trap for us: while appearing to address a deep need, we are drawn to its attractiveness and the promise of feeling complete in some way — an alternate “god” is introduced to rob us of true spirituality. We become spiritually malnourished, believing we have found peace, abundance and fulfilment in the very thing that will rob us of it. In addiction, we mistake:
- Numbness for Peace
- Indulgence for Abundance
- Gratification for Fulfilment
- Intensity for Intimacy
- Control for Safety
- Perfection for Competency
The Cure to Addictions
Because addiction causes changes in the brain, addicts experience symptoms such as impulsivity and cravings. which pushes people to crave instant kick of which even addiction they have, instant gratification, instant feeling good, which unfortunately does not last long, and make the circle of addiction grow tighter and faster! this can happen whether the addiction is for food, sex, porn, coffee, gambling, a person, a lifestyle, a drug, a behaviour…etc .These symptoms can make quitting more difficult, but choosing effective treatment options can improve your ability to succeed.
Quitting any addictive substance requires a process, both emotional and practical. in order to quit, one’s need to plan how to quit, how to deal with withdrawals and how to avoid relapses.
1. Prepare to Quit
Remind yourself of why you made an intention to quit, and how will you support this decision.
2. Consider your Environment
Eliminating everything that reminds you of your addiction, you will be surprised to realise that we are our environment, and you are the people you spend most of your time with, as social beings we get influenced by our social circle, no matter how strong our identity is. A change of routine, habits, and even friends or social circle will definitely give you the support and motivation you need.
3. Connect to your Spirituality
we are by default spiritual beings having this human experience, however, we tend to dismiss our nature and wander away from our connection with our spirit and higher self, which are the closest and deepest part of ourselves and we get busy with 3D matters, we follow the path of materialism, and we neglect our heart, our emotions and our deep connection to the higher power, to the divine. for these reasons a void is created within us, and we develop a deep feeling of nostalgia, and or emptiness that we try to fill with physical things (3D), or with addictions. So the key to let go of addictions, is to go back within and connect with your spiritual nature, this can be done, by dedicating some time for grounding, meditation, breath work, contemplation and journaling….the answers you seek are within …
4. Ask for Support
whether it is a professional support if you have major addictions, or a friend or a relative or a loved one support, we all need a good heart and ear to lean to, someone who can hold an unconditional loving space with no judgment, someone who is trustworthy and reliable.
Expectations, Disappointments & Curiosity!
Exploring The Unknown with Curiosity and Wander, instead of Negativity and Fear
“The first and simplest emotion which we discover in the human mind, is curiosity.”
EDMUND BURKE
Curiosity is a natural and spontaneous movement of consciousness. We see it through all forms of life. In a way, it is a celebration of all forms of experience, as well as an inherent ability to penetrate the nature of experience. With curiosity, we penetrate the unknown which propels evolution and transformation beyond the conceptual limitations of the Separate Self.
When we are seated in curiosity, expectation and disappointment dissolve into an experience that is here to be penetrated, studied and released, without definitive conclusion. Disappointment can be painful, but it’s a melody from their depth of need: the unfulfilled need that is intrinsic to disappointment can bring us to deeper layers of ourselves, to places where we have denied ourselves a resource. Expectation can deflect us from the present moment and generate stress and illusion, but what is the fire behind it? What is it that we’re not allowing in ourselves that propels us to grasp towards the future, even to attempt to control the future? Both expectation and disappointment are naturally arising emotions, but where do they begin to dictate our direction, distort our perception and weigh down our sense of well-being? How do they become background states of being?
Curiosity will ask these questions, but won’t dictate the answers. Beyond conclusions and contractions, the seat of curiosity is alive in the here and now, receiving information without filters through the Felt Sense. It will invite trapped experience to life, and as a seat of perception, will open a channel of transformation.
Expectation!
Expectation can cause a severe distortion in the perception, it causes the activation of imagination of form based on data stored in the memory. Rooted in the impulse to control experience, expectation projects outcomes and actively interferes with direct perception. To live in expectation is to live in a state of vigilance or stress. Stress hormones activate the part of the brain monitoring our survival activities which moves through duality – fundamentally, the duality of good and bad, right and wrong, it is the duality that is the source of separation.
When we expect the worst, we tend to create the experience of the worst – and live it fully even before anything ever happened. If we expect the best, we create the experience of the best, which can involve relying quite heavily on denial to upkeep the projection. The eyes of expectation look outward and in this way, it is always disempowered. any outside expectation one’s have affirm the inability to have it within, it is created from the energy of lack, and from undeniable avoidance to confront the self and processing the root cause of the created void, It is as if the contractions within the personality are dialoguing with the imagination in a manner which precludes surprise or shock. This tendency to live in expectation is generally based on pain and a refusal to experience or process that suffering which is already alive within. In denial of suffering, it restricts the vitality available in the resource of the present moment.
Disapointment!
Whatever we expect, we will always be disappointed. When we expect our worst nightmare, and it doesn’t happen, we can experience a secret disappointment – as we will have to wait a little longer for the release of inner form through physical manifestation.
Often our positive expectations are based on bypassing the suffering of the heart into fulfilment, peace, love and freedom. Because these Non dual Qualities are expected to arrive from the outside, in the future, consciousness is blinded a priori to expanding into them in the here and now.
A feeling of disappointment can be the background atmosphere of a lifetime, which perpetually reaffirms itself each time an external object fails to bring satisfaction. It can be especially poignant when that object has previously awoken a sense of connection with our True Nature. Suffering around repeated disappointment can generate a background state of disappointment that constantly fulfils itself. For example, when parents have promised fulfilment to their children to distract them from the difficulty of the present moment – and later broken those promises – then the pattern of broken promises begins to be expected. It makes us feel ‘at home’. Disappointment begins to feel safer than an unexpected fulfilment.
When disappointment becomes an expectation, parts of the psyche that were alert with anticipation start to freeze in depression as consciousness is withdrawn from form. In this way, the stress of expectation solidifies into a freezing of vitality under the verdict that ‘life is disappointing’. The allocation of blame on outer authority further disempowers the psyche, adding to the feeling of impotence in form. Such a client needs a lot of encouragement. They will be reluctant to take time and space. In a way, they have dis-appointed themselves from their lives.
Curiosity! The Non Dual road
Curiosity is ‘the impulse towards better cognition,’’ meaning that it is the desire to understand that which you do not (James, 1899). He noted that, in children, it drives them toward objects of novel, sensational qualities—that which is ‘‘bright, vivid, startling.’’
Philosopher and psychologist William James
The movement of exploration arising out of curiosity delivers its own reward in the form of impressions through the psyche. Curiosity is a quality that moves beyond the judgmental mind – exemplifying the dialogue, flow and evolution inherent to being here, now.
Curiosity liberates consciousness and brings authenticity to the sense of connection. As much as it is active through the penetration of form, it is equally receptive in the unconditional allowance of impressions. It has the power to dispel illusion and invite contractions into life, liberating the flow of learning and insight. In this way, curiosity awakens and can open the excitement of increased vitality that comes with the receptive side of the sense of truth.
Above all, curiosity is needed in the nature of expectation and disappointment and the living contractions in the here and now that lead us to displace our direct connection with the layers of who we are.
Food for Thoughts!
When we experience tension or disagreement with another person, it can be helpful for conflict resolution and bias reduction to wonder how their experiences may be shaping their beliefs and behaviour. Curiosity is about continually pressing a stop button, and calling your “I am presence”, going within and asking questions. When those questions are open-ended and directed at our own thoughts and assumptions, we can gain insight and self-knowledge.
Here are some questions you can ask:
- What factors in their past or present could be influencing their reaction?
- How do my experiences differ from theirs?
- Why are they reacting this specific way?
- How are my experiences influencing my perception of the situation?
- What Can I learn from this situation that could be beneficial for my future encounters?
- How did I contribute to this conflict? how can I own the responsibility of my part? Am I feeling like a victim here? what does that make me (disempowered, weak, projecting on others….?)
When we’re able to understand how perspectives other than our own come to be, we are cultivating the skill of empathy a seed from which compassion can grow.
In fact, it’s in our nature to be compassionate. But it is often our own beliefs about our ability to change that hold us back. Grant yourself the same compassion that you would give to others by questioning those beliefs—once you do, you can increase the likelihood of forming a new habit.
Practice silent curiosity as you move about daily activities. Both allow the sense of curiosity towards what you perceive, and notice curiosity in other life-forms. When you’re resting or can close the eyes, be curious about any thoughts, feelings or sensations. It can be simple, like being curious about an area of stress in the body.
Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, can assist in changing our neuroplasticity, which is the ability of our brain to change old beliefs and thought forms in response to our past experiences. it can help us cultivate curiosity about the potential distortions colouring our thoughts, and serves in recognising our patterns and how our thoughts and reactions are being influenced.
Curiosity may or may not have killed the cat, but it doesn’t have to kill you. Instead consider that curiosity is the birth of all possibilities…and it is the doorway to your limitlessness
Unveil Your Life Purpose
and start living your best life!
What is My life Purpose?
Most people will ask at some point, “Why am I here?” It can be a scary question or a thrilling one. Leaning into the discomfort of this existential question can lead to a better sense of self and more rewarding paths forward.
Finding your purpose in life adds psychological and emotional improvements and satisfaction to your life . You want more zest, more flavour, more fullness. In the strictest sense, you want to become a better person.You want to wake up excited, jumping out of bed with a thirst for life that you haven’t felt since you were a child. Think of uncovering your passion like the work of a master sculptor, slowly chipping away the stone to reveal the masterpiece underneath.
Your life’s purpose is this masterpiece, simply lurking beneath the surface, waiting to be released. It is in life is as unique to you as your fingerprint. We all have a particular set of talents, experiences, skill sets , and interests that light us up. Purpose is related to these, but it is your reason for being.
You need a sense of purpose to sustain you over time. And even when life feels like a series of compromises, you can still discover and connect to your purpose by exploring what brings you joy and dedicating more time to it.
why finding your life purpose is important ?
Have you ever woken up in a dark room with no source of light at all? Did you manage to do anything worthwhile? That’s how living a life without a clear purpose is.
When you live life with no purpose, you lack the Meaning of Life!
Here is the importance of finding your purpose and how it can help you improve the quality of your life:
1. Your purpose is the reason you get up every morning and can lead to better relationships and improved physical health. Life without a clear purpose can get boring and unsatisfying. Once you find and understand your purpose, your life will never be the same again. You’ll start attracting things you’ve always wanted into your life. You’ll have health, wealth, and peace of mind. Remember, everything starts from within. Your outer world is a clear reflection of your inner world.A purposeless life will always manifest fear, worry, and poverty. Since you want to live a meaningful life, pay attention to your thinking patterns and set aside a few daily minutes to find and clarify your purpose.
2. Having a clear vision on your life purpose will serve you in challenging your limiting beliefs, which will assist you in flying far from the life you were living before you unveiled the meaning behind your existence. Understanding that there is a bigger cause, will trigger your big picture thinking, and you will find yourself dismissing the old limiting beliefs that kept you stagnated and restricted.
How to Find Your Life Purpose?
Here are few tips to help you unfold your life purpose:
Identifying your values :
Values exist, whether you recognise them or not. Life can be much easier when you acknowledge your values – and when you make plans and decisions that honor them.
If you value family, but you have to work 70-hour weeks in your job, will you feel internal stress and conflict! And if you don’t value respect, and you tolerate bullying at work or in life, people in your life who disrespect you in some way, this will create extreme stress and anxiety caused by the absence of alignment in your life.
When you know your own values, you have clarity on what works for you, and what does not, what add value to your life, and what does not, you also know where to invest your time and energy, and what or who is not in resonance of your soul vibration, and does not fit your path.
- What job should I pursue?
- What type of relationships I want to attract?
- Should I start my own business?
- Should I compromise, or be firm with my position?
- Should I follow tradition, or should I forge my own path?
- What do I value the most?
So, take the time to understand the real priorities in your life, and you’ll be able to determine the best direction for you.
Explore Your Passions :
Your passions or your hobbies are a key indicator to what your soul purpose might be, in fact, your soul purpose might be ingrained in them that it is difficult to spot it. Try to spend time exploring your interests, because your soul purpose is what you are good at, the thing you do effortlessly. If you are finding it difficult to find it, ask your friends and family to tell you what they think you are the best at, something that comes naturally to you.
Turn Your Pain into a Purpose:
We all go through struggles in life , overcoming these struggles shapes who we are, our personalities, choices, and perspectives. our uniqueness in persevering life hardships, can be expressed through different mediums such as arts : music, paintings, creative writing…etc, or by choosing to teach others the wisdom we harvested by overcoming our own issues. Others will choose Social Activism to serve humanity and defend the less fortunate.
How you choose to transform your pain into a purpose is unique to you, and to your soul signature!
spend time with people who inspire you:
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
If you spend time with people who are positive and purpose-driven, they are likely to inspire you to have the same mindset. You may even discover your purpose through them.
Look beyond your colleagues and family members and ask yourself who you choose to spend your time with. Evaluate those relationships and make sure you are surrounding yourself with aspirational, positive people who lift you up.
Spend sometime Reading:
Reading is a great way to expand your mental horizons, it is also beneficial in improving your empathy, your creative and critical thinking, because you put yourself in the characters shoes, and you imagine yourself, and your choices if put in similar circumstances.
Reading also connects you to other people across time, place, and cultures. This helps you cultivate the sense of connectedness that generates a sense of purpose in life.
Practice self-acceptance:
Self Acceptance helps you in accepting all of you, the perfect and the imperfect. it teaches you to be kinder and more compassionate towards yourself. This acceptance helps you overcome the rigidity of the dual thinking of right and wrong, you reach an understanding that mistakes are not failures, they are life experiences through which we harvest wisdom that benefits us in our path of growth and evolution.
Self-Acceptance then becomes a catalyst in overcoming the fear of making mistakes, the fear of failure, the fear of the unknown, leading us to more freedom in trying new things, forging new paths, exploring non travelled journeys, taking risks, which can lead us to the meaning of our existence at this time and dimension.
Join a cause:
We all have a cause that we feel passionately about. Perhaps you have strong feelings about social justice, animal welfare, or the environment.
Fighting for a cause ties together several ways to find your soul purpose including:
- Giving back
- Doing something you’re passionate about
- Surrounding yourself with people who inspire you
Maybe you want to raise money for research into a particular disease or give inner-city children access to green spaces. Whatever it is, getting involved with a cause will help you find more purpose in your life.
It is worth the try!
Behind every successful person is clarity of purpose. And unless you find yours, you’ll continue to cruise through life on autopilot. You may find yourself knocked off-course and lost, uncertain how to move forward or which direction is forward. Or, life may be smooth but one day you may look back and wish you had used your time differently.
Identifying, acknowledging, and honouring your purpose is the foundation of a well-rounded life. It requires some courage because it opens up questions and ideas that might not be comfortable. Yet it’s worth it. Purpose provides you with an inner compass that guides every decision and leads you to the experiences that will light up your soul.
Finding your purpose and connecting your purpose to meaningful work can be hard. Supportive guidance can help. join our 4 weeks program “Unveil your life purpose, and live your best life”! and journey through the process with ease, and clarity.
email us on : ikram@earthedbeing.com
SEXISM & BODY IMAGE
the role of a toxic patriarchy culture in suppressing the sacred feminine energy
If you are a women, particularly holding a feminine energy, there is a 90% chance that you are battling body image issues, struggling with the different types of diets, and feeling awkward in your own body. Research has proven that nearly 80% of young teenage girls report fears of becoming fat, 70% of adult women report withdrawing from activities due to their body image, and among 50,000 adults, 60% of women thought they were too heavy, were self-conscious about their weight, 30% reported being too uncomfortable in a swimsuit, and 20% thought that they were unattractive.
What is the real reason behind this dissatisfaction?
Sexism
Sexism is prejudice based on a person’s sex or gender. Sexism in a society is most commonly applied against women and girls. It functions to maintain patriarchy, or male domination, through ideological and material practices of individuals, collectives, and institutions that oppress women and girls on the basis of sex or gender. Such oppression usually takes the forms of economic exploitation and social domination. Sexist behaviours, conditions, and attitudes perpetuate stereotypes of social (gender) roles based on one’s biological sex.
Sexism is usually presented through media, both traditional and social, whether it is a model in a magazine, an actress on television, or a mannequin in a store window, images of how women should look, dress, act, and even react are everywhere. Adhering to society’s unrealistic and often varied models of the ideal woman makes it difficult for women to find and accept their own identities and bodies. In fact, the sexist beliefs associated with women, both negative and positive, have been linked to numerous physical and mental health issues for women, including depression, anxiety, binging, purging, and anorexia. Young women are also heavily influenced by the opinions and judgments of those closest to them, including their family members, friends, and coworkers. Understanding how the beliefs of others and internalization of those beliefs affects a woman’s body image is necessary in order to help women overcome any challenges related to self-worth, self-esteem, and positive self-image.
What is body image? and how does it affect self- esteem and self-concept!
Body image is the way we look at ourselves physically, it is a set of beliefs we have about our physical body, this includes our attitudes towards our body.
Women base their body esteem on three distinct aspects: their weight, physical condition and sexual attractiveness. Many cultures around the world link femininity to physical attractiveness, and they place a major focus on it, as a result, girls ,in their late childhood, start to experience social pressure, fear of rejection due to how they look, and, develop an obsession about their appearance, that keeps increasing over time.
A negative or unhealthy body image can contribute to low self-esteem and cause persistent anxiety. In extreme cases, it can interfere with daily well-being. it does also involves a preoccupation with one’s perceived flaws. Individuals experience shame or even disgust around their appearance. Some may go to unusual lengths to alter or hide their bodies, even at the expense of their own well-being, and we can see this if we look at the amount of cosmetic surgeries performed by normal people around us!
When one has a negative attitude towards an aspect of “THE SELF” which is their physical body in this case, they are constantly judging, criticising and rejecting themselves, they dismiss their strengths, their gifts, their contribution to community, their smile, their presence….etc and they focus solely on one factor ” how they look? how much they weigh?” to decide their value and self- esteem, this leads to low self-esteem, low sense of self, because your self esteem is so weak and can collapse once you put on few kilos!!!
the danger of BoDY Image Distortion
Body image distortion can be seen in eating disorders performed to reach a fixated goal (weight or size), which can lead to starvation of the self, unrealistic diet habits, over exercising, purging and detoxing. This obsession can even result in suffering from Anorexia or Bulimia , these individuals often have neurological differences in their parietal cortex, the part of the brain that helps people sense the dimensions of their bodies. In other words, these people may overestimate their body size because their brains are giving them inaccurate information.
A Spiritual Look into Sexism & Body Image and its danger on our feminine energy
We previously discussed how sexism and body image can lead to mental health and cognitive and neurological disorders! but how is this affecting our Sacred Feminine Energy?
“The patriarchy seeks to disrupt our sense of worthiness, self-trust, and authentic expression, resulting in a haze of feelings of self-doubt, inadequacy, and shame.”
The patriarchy is a system of thinking and beliefs built upon superiority, control, and exclusion. It’s based on fear, greed, and scarcity, rather than love and inclusion. And it maintains its power by reinforcing hierarchical structures and systems of dominance by amassing influence, wealth, and control. An obvious example of this is the segregation of social classes and discrimination against genders and races.
The patriarchy is about those in power fulfilling their personal agendas — regardless of impact on others.
The patriarchy is one of the primary reasons feminine powers have been oppressed by individuals and groups of people operating through imbalanced masculine energies. Subsequently, over centuries feminine powers have innocently become repressed inside of ourselves through social and cultural conditioning — often without knowing how we’re reinforcing our own prisons.
The patriarchal system has severed its access to compassionate and empathetic care for the whole. It has lost focus on the art of listening to the heart, practicing patience, and leaning into uncertainty as a doorway into infinite potential for creative innovation. This extreme imbalance results in alienation and amnesia, such as forgetting our inherent interconnectedness and our embodied knowing that when we hurt another, we hurt ourselves.
The patriarchy is a distorted expression of masculine energies that has overshadowed our feminine nature, foregoing the balanced, harmonious eco-system needed for humanity and the planet to thrive.
When distorted masculine energies dominate feminine energies, there is an observable shift in the following behaviors:
- hyper control at the expense of surrender and flow
- excessive doing and striving over being, yielding, listening, and receiving
- anxiety-induced competition and urgency over collaboration and patience
- obsessively fixing instead of pausing to assess how a challenge may be offering an opportunity to innovate, connect, and grow
- separation and exclusion over connection and integration
“When we’re focused, balanced, and on-purpose, our creative energy spills forth as a catalytic agent of love, inclusivity, innovation, and evolution.”
If we reflect on the agenda of the patriarchy, and observe what sexism, body shaming is impacting our feminine energy, it is very clear that the lack of presence and the over obsession with our appearance, and sex appeal, limits and belittles our powers, instead it does drag us into a vicious circle of separation with self and with one another, our world had become so superficial, that we only look at appearance to evaluate another being, we live in a world where uniqueness is labelled as awkwardness , where everyone is concerned to look just like that actress or top-model.
On another note, there is a degradation of our divine being, that is more than body and mind, as we start seeking satisfaction and validation outside of us, instead of leaning into our heart and connecting with our true essence which leads to more and more disconnect with self, and serves the patriarchy agenda in suppressing our creative powers, distracting us with superficiality, and involving us in boosting industries of cosmetic products, cosmetic surgeries, diet, fat loss products….etc, in other word we are feeding and contributing to the continuation of this entrapment!
The patriarchy wants us to forget the radiant treasure of who we truly are. In truth, our power innately beams from the depths of our whole being — not from what we own, do, or achieve. it seeks to keep us domesticated — to shut down and eliminate our wild, sovereign, and integrated self.
Over time, the matrix’s messages become hardened into our own belief systems, even when they don’t match our deeper desires and authentic yearnings.
To cope, we learn to compartmentalize aspects of ourselves that we feel ashamed of, or that don’t fit into these social and cultural expectations. Each time we banish a part of ourselves, we fragment from our wholeness.
This causes many of us to feel disconnected from our true self, passion, curiosity, playfulness, and wonder.
This wholeness is not limited to an identification with our self-images, but an intimate melding with the depths of stillness and wisdom that live within each one of us, regardless of our status, physical appearance, or perceived success in the material world.
Every day, we’re bombarded by messages designed to induce shame, which drive us towards self-improvement campaigns to fix our perceived imperfections. Shame is a universal experience that leads us to feel unworthy, broken, and hopeless.
One way the matrix does its dirty work is by manipulating us to internalize messages of shame. is by advertising propaganda preys on our insecurities — our pain points — as a strategy to convince us to seek externally for our value, power, and place in the world.
Over time, we unknowingly become the gatekeepers of our own prisons. The external oppressor becomes our very own inner critic, the internalized voice of “I should,” “I’m too much” or “I’m not enough.”
This is how domestication becomes reinforced from the inside-out and why the patriarchal tactics of the matrix lead to one of the most subtle and pervasive forms of disempowerment, manipulation, and misuse of power.
When we pay attention, we start to notice that the matrix’s messages permeate our reality — they’re everywhere! Seeing reality as it is, rather than being identified with the games, is how we begin to unraveling the trappings of domestication.
This is an important call to all genders, to awaken their feminine energy power, because it is your doorway to freedom!
WAKE UP WORLD!
Earth Magic
From Old Shamanism to Modern Ecology
Evolution and Patriarchy
Did the modern society advance since the ancient times? Did this advancement or evolution include humans?
Looking at the situation of the world today, I do not agree that human were included in the evolution process, we find patriarchal led society driven by control and power, where few wealthy “elite” control the masses, we are witnessing a world where equality is still a distant wish, and prosperity is out of reach to many. Evolution created advanced societies where the human race is dangerously disconnected from the Natural and the Spiritual worlds.
Ancient Matriarch in Old Egypt, and the connection to EARTH:
let us look back into ancient times, and reflect on old prosperous matriarchal societies such as old Egypt. Ruling Pharos had no objection recognising the equality between the Sacred Feminine and the Sacred Masculine. The matriarchal consciousness was associated with eternity, cycles of time, ritual, magic, altered states, and arts. The patriarchal consciousness was associated with history, linear time, dogma, rationality, waking reality, and science. Both were of equal value.
Throughout history, strong patriarchal societies existed when the sun was worshiped while matriarchal societies submerged when the moon was worshiped. During much of Egyptian history, people worshiped both the moon and the sun, which gave rise to both . For the most part, both the sun, Ra, and the moon, Konsu, were a vital part of the religion of ancient Egypt.
It is very clear, that the connection to Earth, embodied and embraced by the Sacred Divine Feminine had a huge impact in the prosperity of the matriarch society. The question worth asking here is why and how does Earth play this vital role?
The Human Race Connection to Earth is a Spiritual Connection
Our relationship with the Earth is not merely physical. The Earth is alive; it is spiritual. All living entities of the Earth are an expression of the spirit. The soil of the Earth, for example, consists of minerals and organic matter, holding the roots of plants. There is a mysterious, spiritual and alive quality to it. This gives us an indication to the relationship we have with nature, which is of a communion, the life in us or our spirit, is constantly in communion with the spirit animals, plants, waters, mountains…etc , this is what we call Ecology
Ecology Explained
Ecology is the only conclusion of our high human potential: to find our wholeness , we need to love ourselves, and the context that keeps us alive. Just as the organic, logical relation between the cells of the human body, ecology is the rule that makes everything stay together, connected, working, functioning, surviving. Ecology as the rule of Interconnectedness is our default software as beings. When did we as humanity forget it?
“Shamanism represents spiritual ecology. Shamanism is not about the simple veneration of Nature, it is about a reciprocal spiritual communication that restores the lost connection that our human ancestors had with the amazing spiritual power and beauty of our garden called Earth.”
Michael Harner, The Way of the Shaman
In any shamanic tradition around the world the main factor is maintaining balance and harmony within and without!. the concept of balance starts by being in tune with our inner being, and extend it to the community and then to nature. a level of Respect for the ecosystem is also the foundation of the entire ritualistic behaviour of the shaman; the shaman only uses his routines to protect and give forth, from one generation to another, the rules used to live in Sync with nature, to honor it, respect it and express gratitude for it. Rituals of gratitude are part of the ceremonies led by Shamans and the indigenous towards the primordial elements (fire, water, sky, land, wood, metal etc.), animals giving humans food, towards the land, towards the spirits of nature (the wood spirits, spirits of the mountain, oceans etc.), towards ancestors who brought them in this existence and from whom they inherited centuries of wisdom… this profound respect is in fact a constant state of connection with the environment, with all that life is. All this was lost for modern humans, this daily routine of connection, this inner attitude of respect and connection with All There Is, as without our ancestors and without all the environment has to offer… we would not be alive.
Shamans are medicine men/women, healers, seers, (reading signs in the human body but also with the help of the natural elements in the environment). They perform all these activities for the greater good of the community calling for help from the spirit guides. The shamans keep the balance between sky and earth, they balance the body-heart-mind of people and keep the respectful balance between man and nature. They watch out for balance and reciprocity in giving and receiving, by respecting the cycles of nature, they know when to harvest a fruit, when to stop consuming and letting the tree rest and recuperate. Being great observers of life, they feel the subtle signs of change in nature from one season to the next. they know the movement of the main stars in the night sky and if this is going to be a good year for the crops or not. Shamans are the first to understand when ”unseen dimensions” change their harmony (sometimes referring to changes in the electromagnetic field of the Earth reversing its poles, causing the change of the sky routes that birds follow, or the surface water flow used by fish and wildlings to navigate.
a new era of Shamanism
Antony Steven, a psychologist and MD says this two million years old Self, the ordaining centre of the collective unconscious, this continuous chain of experiences called individual life, this Self is a collective character: as Jungians discovered, the particular experience of each and every one of us, counts and influences be it the pathology, or the healing process of everybody. The two million years human understands what it means to be sick and what’s necessary for healing because, as Stevens argues, “acceptance, empathy, attachment and affiliation with this indigenous Self residing in our psyche is the key to adaptation and health”.
(The Two Million-Year-Old Self, Anthony Stevens, 1993)
As per Anthony, there is a resurrection or an awakening of the archetype of the Shaman within each and everyone of us, calling us to reclaim our inner balance and inner union, which will lead us to the union and balance with our community and our nature. each one of us does the mirroring. What is it that psychologists actually do? They mirror and help us in the process of self- resignification. What is it that artists do? They mirror the interior and exterior universe and re-signify it in relation with the Self.
The shaman fulfils some of the transcendental artistic expression, some of the counselling and accompanying done by psychologists and philosophers. Acting as a mirror and also being the creator of the collective dream, he is the storyteller and keeper of the cultural memory, reminding us of the work of a Jungian analyst helping us read and rewrite the ‟circuitry” of our soul. We now live a time when this shaman is showing himself again to the world.
PROTECTING THE ENVIRONMENT AND KEEPING IT CLEAN AND BALANCED , WHICH IS IN FACT THE FUNDAMENTAL ACT OF RESPECTING THE CYCLE OF LIFE.
Embodying the sacred feminine energy
In shamanic culture there is no distinction being made between the natural world and human world, and this is the reason why the human beings community is constantly conscious of the fact that it always has unlimited access to resources by respecting the simple rule to not overly consume, destroy etc. This identification with the environment informs humans (gives them hope and belief) that they live in abundance, that humans are not alone, that life means continuity and cycles, that passing through various stages of evolution and various sufferings are a given Principle of life, of the great All That Is.
“Our interconnectedness with all that exists is an absolute truth: nothing and no one can exist outside of All There Is, the Universe, the Whole.”
Evelyn Rysdyk, The Norse Shaman 2016
All the characteristics listed above, are none but of the embodiment of the sacred feminine energy, the compassionate, inclusive, empathic part of us, the one that sees the world with an eye of togetherness not of separation, the intuitive one, which is always in tune, & communion with nature and with the Creator, the seeker of balance and peace.
By being conscious, living with Presence & awareness, we can co-create and prosper, we can elevate and inspire those around us to elevate too!
There is only one way! which is the way of LOVE! the way of Feminine.
People of the Secret
A Look into Sufism – The Path Of The Heart
First, let’s start by defining ” Sufism “, this mystical tradition considered as the spiritual path within Islam.
What is Sufism
Sufism is a way of “Being” with God! and unveiling the secret that is within us, for the sake of the love we carry in our heart! its the path where we experience our first heartache, the heartache of an illusive separation from creation, it is our longing to live the truth of our divine nature, it is the cry of our soul to be in union with God, to uncover the secret of our existence, that we are divine beings, that he is with us, in us, in every step we walk, every breath we take…
This secret we are looking for, lives within the heart!.
Sufism is known to be the path of awakening true love, our heart consciousness which bridges us with God consciousness. Sufism holds the secret how we can awaken through this primal feeling called love, and the journey is taking place in our own being, in our heart! A HEART WITHIN A HEARTH.
The first transmission of sufism
The first transmission of sufism, was done by prophet Mohamed(PBUH) to his companion Abu Bakr Al Siddiq at the cave of Thawr, when the Prophet was being surrounded by soldiers from all directions, he took refuge in the Cave. The two managed to stay hidden , but on the third day of their refuge, it so happened that the Quraish troops closed in on the Prophet and reached the cave. the prophet’s companion Abu Bakr panicked, but he was comforted by the enlightening words of the Prophet, who said
” Do Not Be Sad, He is with US” and a versus of Koran was channeled to document this incident
"As one of the two in the cave, and he said to his companion , do not grieve, Allah is with us, and we supported him with soldiers who are not seen" Sorat Althawbah
The Meeting of the two seas
The Journey within
When asked about his Journey, Rumi Said:
I Burnt, and I Burnt and I Burnt
Rumi
One of my favourite definitions of Sufism is : “the place where the two seas meet, and where the dead fish becomes alive”, these two seas are the HEART and the MIND, our feminine and masculine energies, the Yin and Yang, the darkness and light.
The dead fish is the taught knowledge, what we read in books, what we were conditioned to believe, this dead fish comes to life by becoming an experienced knowledge, you can read all the books in the world, but if you can’t integrate that knowledge in your heart and experience it, it is useless! just words!
It is the place where heaven and earth meet, where our physical and spiritual nature merge! that’s where the revelation happens, the divine being reveals itself to the human being! it is where we go through a process of burning of everything we were made to believe WE ARE , all the programmes that distanced us from your spiritual nature, in order to come close to the divine residing in our heart, and listen to his secrets, find our way back home!
“Why listen to the news reports if you can get the news from the source itself”
The Story of Khidr
“Khidr” or the “Green Man” was an archetypal figure that was depicted in the Quran as ” the one who has mercy of our mercy, and knowledge from our knowledge!”, this archetype is part of each one of us, and available within each of us, whenever we are ready to seek and unveil our truth! Moses Journey with Khidr ,described in the Quran is not nothing but his path towards seeking the wisdom , knowledge and mercy within, from the part of him that carried the mercy and knowledge of the divine, from “and his encounter with Khidr, was a metaphor to Moses own Journey of awakening to the divine secrets!
Sufism is the path of surrender, faith, and of trust in the unknown and unseen. the knowingness that there is a higher power guiding and protecting us, yet maintaining an active role in our lives, and taking responsibility of our choices. It is the path of the Fana’a (the end), the void, the zero state, the realm where we surrender our ego-self, all things we identify with, what we know as normal, what we think make us who we are! and renounce the Ego “Al Nafs” to find God. Thus the interest shown by sufism in the science of psychology, and their curiosity to understand the human behavior in an effort to dissolve what we know, the taught self and remake a new one with true love.
In God’s presence, there is no room for two egos. You say “ego,” and he says “ego”? Either you die in his presence, or he will in your presence, so that no duality may remain.
Jalal Eldin Rumi
A Personal Note
My interest in Sufism, came from my dual nature, being a seeker and intuitive who is so much in touch with the emotional realm, and the skeptic-intellect, who has a scientifically trained mind. The duality I carried created so much internal conflict for me, which I used to perceive as a curse, yet, lately I started grasping the beauty of this gift, this blessing in disguise that was bestowed upon me from heaven, created such a discomfort, that pushed me outside of my comfort zone, it triggered the seeker within me, the student of life, to start looking for every book I can find, to try different courses & modalities, to investigate different religions, sects, old scriptures and beliefs, to look at different perspectives, to find the truth!…and I still AM!
The solid side I was very comfortable with, was my mind, my practical side, my mental abilities, the way I process information, and pace it together to get the full picture effortlessly (the Air element).
On the other side, the spectrum of emotions I have access to is limitless , however, I lacked the emotional regulation skills. Every-time I was faced with an emotional incident, it took me down the rabbit hole, and caused me so much suffering, until I learnt how to let go of the resistance to feel, to be with my feelings, to acknowledge them, and not fall into self-shaming, I started allowing them to show themselves, I was getting used to be gentler and kinder with the soft and sensitive part of me, to be in total acceptance of my vulnerability, instead of faking strength and in return cultivating anger and resentment because I did not have the courage to face my emotions and voice them out.
Magic started happening, my creative energy started flowing , I was able to channel my feelings into arts, music, poetry and many other creative outlets. Life started becoming easier. I started witnessing movement in my life, while it was stagnant for years, there was a certain flow of energies, that was new to me!, My wisdom grew more and more, and I cultivated the habit of seeking wisdom in every situation life threw my way, I started sharing what I know with my community, I shifted from the victim mentality I was sitting in for years (the distorted masculine energy) to a curious mentality, driven by a sacred feminine energy that is not afraid to dive into emotions, and break through the darkness to the light, my approach in life shifted from why Me? to What’s in there for me? what can I learn from this?
I remember when I first did my numerology reading I learnt that my true nature or higher potential in this life, is the state of zero, the path of the neutral mind, in other words, the path of that who is able to sit in the place where the two seas meet, that realm where God or the source speaks through you, there is such a surrender and absence of the ego or judgement in that space, that one is able to see things as they are, with the eye of the unconditional love, without schemas (projections or judgements), a space where the divine bliss flow through you and you are asked to speak it.
To end this article, I would like to flag that we all hold both energies, both seas exist within us, and our responsibility is to do the inner-work in order to find a healthy balance. We have been governed for years by a Toxic Patriarchy! where both feminines and masculines are manipulated to feel shame and guilt, we are transiting from a time where the world is led by the three downfalls : Money, Power and Sex, and both masculines and feminines potentials are demeaned, controlled and trapped. We are now officially in the age of Aquarius, which is the age of innovation, of choosing a different way of being, the age where there is no guru, no mediation between you and the source, and there is a call for all of us, to be responsible to save our inner-world by allowing the seas to meet, by allowing yourself to experience and generate your own soul wisdom, not what you learn from others, by surrendering to our love nature. and to support our outer world, by leading by example, embracing compassion and mercy towards the other! because the OTHER is YOU.
You Are Your Biggest Saboteur
how your limiting beliefs can block you from your dreams
A belief, is the attitude an individual cultivates towards what he perceives as truth. In epistemology, philosophers use the term “belief” to refer to personal attitudes associated with ideas and concepts. However, a “belief” does not require active introspection and circumspection.
The mind acceptance of the belief is usually underpinned by an emotional and spiritual certainty, this showcase the multi- dimensional nature of a belief, it engages who we are on a mental, emotional, spiritual and physical level, which explains the power of our belief system and the reason it has a strong grip on us.
Read more“For some of our most important beliefs, we have no evidence at all, except that people we love and trust hold these beliefs. Considering how little we know, the confidence we have in our beliefs is preposterous—and it is also essential.”
—2002 Nobel Laureate Daniel Kahneman
Your Narrative…Your Life!!
We all love a good story!
Story telling is the social and cultural activity of sharing stories, they include plots, characters and narratives of different point of views. Storytelling can be seen as a foundation for learning and teaching. While the story listener is engaged, they are able to imagine new perspectives, inviting a transformative and empathetic experience. storytelling has a therapeutic and healing effect on both the storyteller and the listener.
Narrative Psychology
In the realm of narrative psychology, a person’s life story is not a Wikipedia biography of the facts and events of a life, but rather the way a person integrates those facts and events internally—picks them apart and weaves them back together to make meaning. This narrative becomes a form of identity, in which the things someone chooses to include in the story, and the way he/she tells it, can both reflect and shape who she/he is. A life story doesn’t just say what happened, it says why it was important, and it gives an indication on one’s mental and emotional state, it is one’s perspective and own interpretation of what happened.
“Any creation of a narrative is a bit of a lie.”
THE AHA MOMENt
I consider myself as someone who has a pretty good sense of awareness , very conscious and experienced in shadow work , someone used to the ownership and responsibility of my own life events, however, I realised that the experience of trauma, can make our narration a bit distorted…I mean a lot distorted.
I have been working through past traumatic events using different tools and modalities from psychology and spirituality to energy , breath and sound healing, but as we all know, healing is not linear, we process, we release, and then the same issues circle back again for another round of introspection, forgiveness and letting go.
I was revisiting past events, as part of my morning journaling routine, and for the first time, I felt the veil was completely lifted, Then I had an AHA moment!! I was able to see my life from a completely different space. I saw the truth of past events, without self identification nor emotional attachment.
Fortunately, our story is not written in Ink, its written in chalk, and we own it, we are the writers, narrators and the main character.
How you arrange the plot points of your life into a narrative can shape who you are—and is a fundamental part of being human.
Julie Beck
The Ego Seeks Validation In A Hopeless Place
This was the hidden part for me, while I had the awareness of my own mental challenges, and I was doing my best to move past all the pain and suffering I have experienced, I kept repeating the same stories when I referred to my past … ” I was betrayed by ____”, “I was rejected by _______” , “I felt abandoned by ______”, ” _______made me feel that I am not enough” ” I did not feel heard, seen and understood by____”
I guess we can all recognise few negative patterns here;
There is always a third party involved in our story, it could be anyone, a parent, a partner, a friend, an organisation, a boss. Now if we ask ourselves, is this true? did the person consciously do that? did he have any other choices, considering his cognitive abilities, and his own wounds, and the projection of his pain body? the answer to these questions will always be negative, because no human being wants harm to another just for fun, we all act unconsciously and impulsively ,when our pain body is not healed.
The pain body is the energetic body that holds all our unhealed emotional memories. NOW the Shocking realisation, is the ego’s despair to feel validated, special and better than everyone else, makes us believe that if we could not be special by getting the love and attention , we can feel special by being the one with the most suffering and hurt, the one who had been rejected &…&…
The final truth is, the third party is not involved in our story, we are getting ourselves involved in his story in our attempt to be a HERO, while in fact “THE ONLY STORY WHERE WE SHOULD BE PLAYING HEROES OR HEROINS IS OUR OWN”
Final Thoughts / PRO TIPS
Everything in the universe is within you. Ask all from yourself’
jalaludin rumi
As someone who loves Rumi, his poetry, and wisdom, I came across this quote many times but I can say that similar to the Sufi tradition, this quote is multi-dimensional, it carries so much wisdom, on how to heal the self, how to cultivate self love, and how to let go of the illusions and tricks of the wounded ego.
Here are few tips:
- Work on cultivating a good healthy self love, give yourself the validation you seek, practice self care, make yourself a priority, be special in your own life because thats the only place you can be special. Everywhere else, work on dissolving your ego, and discipline him to be ordinary, one of billions, “a consciousness” part of the “collective consciousness”.
2. What is yours to carry? honor other people’s journey and level of consciousness, and move on with grace, compassion and love.
3. Don’t take yourself seriously? not everything is personal ! the universe does not evolve around you, and people have plenty to deal with. Not everything about you.
Our life narrative integrates our reconstructed past, perceived present, and imagined future. All three coexist at the same time. Hence, from an experiential standpoint, the past, present, and future are not separate and linear, but holistic and co- past, present, and future are all happening right now—at least in your mind.
When we change the meaning and narrative of our past, we simultaneously change the narrative of our present and future. we form our identity by integrating our life experiences into an internalised, evolving story of ourselves, which gives a sense of unity and purpose to our lives. Choose your narrative wisely, because that’s how you will be remembered! There is always a gain in the gap!
The Peter Pan Syndrome
A look into the different mind stages
We All know the story of “Peter Pan” as depicted in one of the most popular Disney movies, Peter Pan’s character is a metaphor that refers to the concept of not willing to grow up, in another word, “a child consciousness trapped in an adult body”
Although the concept is not clinically recognised as a mental illness, it is a pop-psychology term that has been used informally by both laypeople and some psychology professionals since the 1983 publication of :” The Peter Pan Syndrome: Men Who Have Never Grown Up”, book by Dr. Dan Kiley.
How to define if someone suffers from Peter Pan Syndrome?
“All children, except one, grow up,” J. M. Barrie wrote in his 1911 novel “Peter and Wendy.” He was speaking of Peter Pan, the original boy who wouldn’t grow up.
The Peter-Pan psychological type is characterised by immaturity or certain sorts of psychological, social, and sexual problems. The type of personality in question is immature, his characteristics include attributes such as irresponsibility, rebelliousness, pottering about, anger, narcissism, dependency, manipulativeness, and the belief that he is beyond society’s laws and norms.
Most likely people with Peter pan syndrome were raised in a co-dependent dysfunctional family, lacking healthy boundaries.
Permissive and over-protective parenting styles are usually the main cause of this disorder. As the child reaches adulthood, he finds himself unable to cope with responsibilities.
According to Kiley, “Peter Pan” is the adult little boy who, when in a relationship, is looking for mothering.. The “Peter Pan” type partner is emotionally unavailable, he refuses to define or label the relation. He is avoidant to discussing long-term plans and lives for the day.
He also has difficulties with careers goals, a tendency to skip work when challenged or stressed, or to move jobs frequently due to the lack of motivation.
As a character, he is unreliable and flaky, with almost no control over his emotional outbursts, he expects others to take care of him, and shies away from taking decisions or making serious choices, in fact, such individual keeps his options open in relationships and in life. Due to his inability to handle conflicts or hardships, he usually relies on substances to escape his reality.
To summarise, Peter Pan syndrome is the “failing to launch” into adulthood. It is a stagnation of the child’s consciousness due to an emotional trauma, putting a halt on the child’s cognitive process.
A spiritual perspective on the stages of mind
Spirituality looks at individual development through the lens of the ego-soul dynamic: the growth and development of the ego, the alignment of the ego with the soul, and the activation of the soul consciousness. Thus we can define the below levels of consciousness:
- The Survival consciousness (Root Chakra): the child at this stage is completely dependant on his parents to get his basic needs.
- The Relationship consciousness (Sacral Chakra): at this stage, the child start relating to his loved ones, he needs to belong, to be loved and protected.
- The Self-Esteem Consciousness (Solar plexus chakra): this level of consciousness is about feeling secure, feeling accepted and validated by our community, it is marked by social conditioning.
- The Transformation Consciousness (Heart Chakra): The fourth level of human consciousness is about finding freedom and autonomy. the need to discover one’s own identity beyond the parental programming and cultural conditioning , questions such as “Who am I?” and “What is important to me?” are the initiation to discover the true (soul) self.
- Internal Cohesion Consciousness (throat chakra): The fifth level of human consciousness is about finding meaning in your life — finding what your soul came into the world to do. At this level of consciousness, the question is no longer “Who am I?” but “Why am I here in this body?” and “How can I fully express myself?”
- Making a difference consciousness (Third Eye chakra) : The sixth level of human consciousness is about making a difference in the world — there is an understanding that the ability to fulfil your purpose is strongly conditioned by your ability to connect with others and facilitate the work of those who support you.
- Service consciousness (Crown chakra): The seventh level is about selfless service to the cause or the work which allows you to use your gifts and talents — the work you were born to do. You reach this level of consciousness when making a difference becomes a way of life — when you surrender to your soul.
The first three stages of development involve establishing the ego as a viable, independent entity in its physical, social and cultural framework of existence. The fourth stage of development involves aligning the motivations of your ego with the motivations of your soul. The last three stages of development involve activating your soul’s consciousness.
The Healing Process
Healing modalities consider three fundamental stages of development of the psyche :
- The Child mindset stage , or the Peter Pan syndrome, corresponds to imbalances in the first three chakras, as a result of wounds experienced in childhood, which does not allow a healthy transition to adulthood. A healthy transition to adulthood occurs at the age of 22 for females and 30 for males, if an individual transits to adulthood but still have some unhealed wounds from childhood, he is usually in an over-corrected adulthood, such individuals are workaholics, over-achievers, or wild party animals. Belief and fear work is the way to go here, tackling wounds like safety, security, self-worth, self-esteem, anger, shame, guilt, self reliance allow these individuals to make it to the next stage.
- The adult mind stage is linked to the heart and throat chakras, individuals at this stage are mature, independent, they discovered the voice of their soul, and they are crafting their self-concept, however, there is a tendency of unhealthy boundaries, and emotional imbalances, which cause them an energy drainage. working on self-love, unconditional love, balance ,releasing attachments and implementing healthy boundaries, facilitate their transition to the next stage.
- The natural transition to the sage mindset, the last level of development, starts at the age of 40 in both genders. Sage individuals have an expansive consciousness, they are kind, loving and nurturing to others, while maintaining healthy boundaries. They are philanthropists, devoted to serve humanity, they feel a good sense of union with people and with the creator.
Generally! a good way to identify your mind stage, is to reflect on your triggers. additionally Knowing the mind stage of who is triggering you, will will provide an understanding of their wounds , making it easy to forgive and move on without holding grudges or resentment against them.